Update

I thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! Just wanted to give you an update on the latest. I am sorry that I haven't written in the last few days I have been residing for the most part at the hospital. My mom is now on a ventilator because she wasn't breathing on her own. They have her pretty well sedated because of all the tubes and wires that they have going in and out of her. She can respond to us a tiny bit sometimes but it is minimal. The squeeze of a hand or the raising of an eyebrow is a big deal. The whole family is up here now, her parents, brothers and kids. I hope that she knows that we are all here for her. The Dr says right now things could go either way but we need to prepare ourselves for the fact that she very well may not make it. I think that the mix of Lupus, Myasthenia, Eschemic Colitis, and Mersa all are fighting against each other so we just have to wait and see. Again I thank you all for your prayers and I am sorry I haven't posted in a while! I will try to keep you updated.
Fu

The ghost of our past.....

Isn't it Amazing how no matter how old we get and how many things we go through we cant escape our past. In my experience anyway, I find that as much I think I have dealt with my issues something in life will occur to assure me that there is still something there. It sneaks up on me when I'm not expecting it and then "BOOM" I'm 8 years old again trying to deal with why my daddy dint want to live with me anymore. I know it sounds stupid and something that I should get over but like I said it always seems as if its no big deal until life gets stressful or I hear one of those damn father-daughter songs. You know the ones I'm talking about! Anyway, so up until the past few years I would get really sad but overall I thought I had forgiven my father. But just this weekend I realized how Angry I am!!! Not just because he left but for all the things I missed and everything that I feel he turned his back on because it wasn't convenient for him. So my question is this....How do I know if I am just going through a time and its a healthy anger or if its something that I really haven't forgiven. It sounds like a silly question, I know, but any input helps!

How did we get here?

Lord, do I need to vent!! As much as I Love my family I fear a brother of mine has turned into the very thing that he hated the most. He would pee his pants if he saw this but he has to know deep down that his posts and logic sounds a lot like my fathers. No, he may not be the jerk of a husband and a dad but he has taken his stance on politics and religion apparently.Somewhere along the lines his standards got all jumbled up. I'm not saying that we all have to agree on politics and religion. But if you are going to take the stand for Christ you have to base your convictions on a biblical standard for life. If I see a non Christian with a flawed view of man and govt and they are living their life without God it makes me sad because they don't have a foundation and a standard to live by ( a biblical one anyway) Whereas when I see a Christian rationalizing crap and spending life justifying and making everything relative so that it fits into their little idea a good life, I just don't have the grace. When you compare the taking of human life to the environment...C'mon....thats crap!!!! Anyway, when do we get to the point where we just sit and trust God. Why do people have to go out and search for something better or more interesting. Is it just because they like to question, are they trying to fill some sort of void? When you really look into all this post modern stuff it sounds great on the surface but when you dig deep and get into all this pluralism and relativity it gets really fishy! Is this the modern day hippie? Ok, I'm done now. And hey, Lee if you read this, I love you dude but you gotta help me out here cause you don't sound like the man that left here 2 years ago. Remind me not to let anyone I know move out to Cali! :)

sarafu