Friday, December 24, 2004

WOW, Time Flies....

Time Flies, but I wouldn't say that I have been having fun!! Sorry, its been a Hell of a long time since I blogged last. I haven't had much free time lately. Things with my mom have gone from bad to worse to even worse then to somewhat better and so on and so forth. Basically its been an insane roller coaster ride!! I wish I had some insight into what God was doing. We all had prepared ourselves 2 weeks ago to take her off life support because she had been unconscious for 2 weeks and was being kept alive with 2 machines. Then the day before we were going to take her off the vent she woke up!! Yah! Or so we thought, then within a couple of days some more events took place to put her back in the same boat she was in before, the only difference being she is awake now. Sometimes she is lucid and other times she looks really pissed off and seems like she wants everyone to leave. I guess I would be pretty pissed off though if I were in her shoes.
Anyway, we are back to the point again where we have to go back and think about what she would of wanted. Would she want to lie there and be kept alive by 2 machines without the ability to move any part of her body (with the exception of her face sometimes) and know that this is pretty indefinite. She told us before she went on the vent that this isn't what she wanted so I think that we know the answer to that. The problem lies in my grandparents. Its not natural to have to bury your children and they just cant let go. Our relationship with my grandparents was very important to my mother so I know that she wouldn't want destroying that. SO, What do you do??? How do you get them to the place where they understand that letting her go may be the most loving thing? God knows, I don't want my mom to die, she is my lifeline in life, but I cant stand watching her go through this anymore!!! She has spent her whole life sick and tired and part of her has just got to want to go home and be with Jesus. She is the MOST Incredible woman I have Ever met and in spite of all the shit she has been through in life she constantly praised God and showed others the compassionate heart of God through her own actions. Can you imagine the reward that she has waiting for her in heaven!!!
Ok, I'm sorry I kinda got off track but its nice to vent!! If anyone has any insight into what God is doing please let me know because I am at a loss. I know I have to trust Him even when things Suck and don't make sense but I am SO tired, I just want some answers!
Thanks for listening to my very long vent session!! I hope that you all have a Very Merry Christmas!!
Please keep praying!

No comments: